It all started with a romantic e-mail saying, “I love 
you,” in different languages. From then, they made 
plans to go out. Now they have been going out for 
about three years. More surprisingly Monica and Ralph 
(not their real names) are both 21. By this age you 
might be thinking they are ready for commitment but 
that’s not how they both think. First they want to 
finish their education before they start planning 
marriage and having kids.

 They have remained abstinent throughout their entire, 
three-year, solid relationship. This means they have 
never had sex with each other or anyone else before 
that. They have never had sexual intercourse at all.

Strong Family Values
Ralph has a very strong personality, “We have chosen 
not to get together. We’ll wait to be married.
We’re proud of doing something the right way.” You 
might think there are no guys around
like this nowadays, but believe it, there are. He has 
never pressured Monica to have sex. He has
never said anything like, “If you love me you will 
have sex with me.”

Monica feels the same way about waiting until 
marriage. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint my family,” 
says Monica. “I remember the day my mother asked me if 
I had ever had sex. This broke my heart and I burst 
into tears, because she knows I am a very conservative 
person and I would not want a baby without having 
anything to offer.” 

Ralph also comes from a conservative family and they 
don’t believe a couple should live together or have 
sex before marriage.

Long-Distance Commitment
After one year of being together it became a long 
distance relationship because Monica had moved away 
from Watsonville. This was heart-breaking news for the 
couple. Have they ever considered breaking up or 
trying to have sex to become closer? “No,” they 
answer. They are committed to not having sex until 
marriage. According to them, a true relationship is 
not based on sex. “And if we thought so much about 
having sex we would have gotten married just to have 
sex,” says Monica. 

“Waiting, to us, is no sin,” says Monica. “It’s more 
than just giving each other respect,” says Ralph. 

Since then, Monica has moved back, and they are still 
happily together, but without the long distance they 
are closer than ever. They say it’s worth the wait.

Friends’ Reactions
Monica’s friends know that she and her boyfriend are 
abstinent. Sometimes they give her a hard time and ask 
her, “When are you going to have sex?” Most of 
Monica’s friends have already had sex and a lot of
them are married. Even Monica’s brother gives her and 
her boyfriend a hard time about waiting. But this 
doesn’t affect Monica and Ralph’s decision to wait.

 Just like Ralph and Monica there are a lot of people 
who are choosing abstinence and are proud of their 
decision. What’s the urgency if there are a million 
things you can do other than have sex? There are many 
ways to appreciate your partner besides sexually.

A different way to share your love
For those that are not ready to have sex, but want to 
try sharing love in different ways, here are some 
ideas:
- Be close
- Snuggle up together
- Hold hands
- Caress each other
- Make sacrifices for each other
- Share sexy looks
- Go on a trip together
- Laugh together
- Make love notes for each other
- Be faithful